Friday, September 4, 2009

Flashback Friday: Cell Phone Phrenzy

"Ok," you are undoubtedly asking yourself, "WHAT do Cancan dancers have to do with cell phones..." Please do read on....
When my cell phone konked out a few weeks ago I wasn't happy. Not because I was that wild about my pink flip phone (I wasn't) but cell phone technology has simply gotten WAY out of control!(translation: out of my comprehension zone)

Back in the olden days, 1988 I believe it was, I purchased my first "cell phone," which was also known as a "car phone" in its infancy. Permanently installed on the car's console, this unwieldy device nevertheless was a rather LARGE (translation: expensive) "status symbol" (remember those?) back in the day.

That's right, with a little sproingy antennae perched above the rear window of a vehicle, the antennae may as well have carried a flag announcing, "I have arrived and I have arrived in style!"

Now the thing with me and my "car phone" was that (in my opinion) it was a dire necessity. I had gone back to work. My career was real estate, an industry which practically screamed, "CAR PHONE REQUIRED" because at any moment The Donald might be calling to sew up a new deal on one of your listings. My falling down rat-trap foreclosure listing in a bad part of Gilroy comes to mind but that's another Flashback Friday!

While I was aware I wouldn't hear from The Donald anytime soon, there WERE, however, two other important callers that I was likely to hear from at any moment: Ashley and Alyssa. Ashley, who had recently achieved the "legal" age to babysit, was doing so for 8-year old Alyssa. They were both under strict orders to 'behave' while Mom was working, and you and I both know how THAT was working out. Yes, friends, there are some things that simply ain't gonna happen in this world. But that sure as heck doesn't stop you from putting it in a push-up bra and sending it down the runway anyhow!

Therefore, at any given moment my car phone would ring (scaring me half silly since why the H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS is there a PHONE ringing in my car for the love of God?!). On the other end would be a squeaky little girl voice saying one of the following:

Call #1. "Mom, Ashley is calling me 'Pissa' again!!!" (in the background: "Am not!" "Are SO!" "Fine! Go ahead and tell Mom, little cry baby" "DON'T call me a CRY BABY!" "CRY BABY CRY BABY CRY BABY CRY..." These calls were lovely - especially at $.90 a minute.

Call #2. "Mom...where are you NOW?"

Call #3. "Mom...when are you coming home? Can you stop at the little store and get me a candy bar?"

But the girls grew up in spite of my forays into the business world and "car" phones morphed into "cell" phones and $.90 per minute gave way to "plans" that included all kinds of goodies we'd never dreamed of....cameras, Internet, texting, tweeting - on and on it goes.

Now each new cell phone offered something that the previous one hadn't, but I got kind of attached to them all. Hence I found myself with the collection below...

My newest phone is at the bottom. Now: Ready. Set. FLIP!!!

Yes, my new cell phone has a more bumbling around with 3 keystrokes for an "L" or - yikes - 4 keystrokes for an S! Do you know how many words have an "S?" Sheesh! (And there you have a prime example - 2 "S's" - so I am in cell phone heaven here with an actual keyboard. Or close to it. Because I still haven't figured out how to use the blasted thing. I have yet to take a picture. I have SO much to learn and so little time to learn it in and why-why-why do those owners manuals have to be SO GOSH-DARNED BIG!???

But one thing is not so big and that is my new phone...seen above with its friend the Big-Honker-Sprint-Cell-Phone, which (I think) was my first phone that broke the umbilical cord away from the console of my car. And yes! I did finally get rid of all those cell phones...donated them to the women's shelter where, apparently, they are happy to have them!

So I "heart" these little guys - they tuck into your pocket or a corner of your purse and you'd never know they were there until....and OK - do you really think it's appropriate for a woman my age to have a ring tone that plays (loudly) "Orpheus in the Underworld" - better known as the "Cancan!" (five-six-seven-eight & KICK & KICK & KICK & Get those legs UP, Ladies....) all the way through the grocery store to the creamed peas and on to detergent and dang - HOW DO I SHUT THIS THING OFF!! WHERE IS THE ANSWER KEY?? I CAN'T STOP THE CANCAAAAANNNNNN...where ARE those bagels.........

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