Monday's Mimi Monologues-Reporting for duty in Long Beach

A couple of weeks ago I went to Long Beach to pinch-hit for 'Miss Phyllis' who was going on vacation. Watching TWO little girls while their mommy and daddy went to work couldn't be THAT much harder than watching just one, right? RIGHT?? Well. We were busy, busy, busy. And if I do say so myself, it seemed like I was right there inside the girls' heads, knowing EXACTLY what they were each thinking. Because this Mimi is just, you know, sorta psychic like that!"Really? Mimi's going to babysit for us? Really? REALLY????? Oh, haha, that is a really funny joke, Mommy!"

"Ahhh...that's old stuff, Emily. Mimi watched me my first whole year of life...ummm...I think I like this cracker my mom bought for me. I'm glad Mimi let me eat it in this room...it was REALLY FUN getting that orange cheese stuff all over the couch...."

Oh, oh....you mean Mommy REALLY is going to let Mimi watch us? BOTH of us?? OH, OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!



I wonder if Mimi knows that I drink my mommy's "Special Milk" - I just love my "Special Milk" but Mommy's not here to let me latch on.....I wonder if Mimi knows how to put Mommy's "Special Milk" into a bottle........Gulp!


Gee, it seems like Mommy has been away at work for a REALLY long time. Wonder what Mimi has in mind for play today....


Hmmmmmm....maybe I will look at this "magic coloring book" that Mimi got me. I hope it has a purple crayon.....



Well, the color isn't purple but it's a pretty pink and it IS a magic coloring book...when I draw on the table nothing happens! Wow!! That is WEIRD!!! That Mimi...........



Nope - not purple. Blue. Dumb magic coloring book....



Well Hi there, Mimi! You are looking a little worn out...and it's only 8:30am. Wow. Good thing my Daddy is coming home at lunchtime to help you put us down for our nap...you aren't looking so good....


Hahahaha--I love being in my office, Mimi, but I'm getting, you know, a little HUNGRY!

Guess I will have to gnaw on this toy fish here in my office....
at least until lunch arrives...Mimi! Start heating my bottle already!

Hmmmm...no bottle in sight...wonder if Purple Monkey's ear tastes better than that plastic fish....

Hi, Emily! You're in your office!!

Hmmm...wonder what Mommy is doing, Emily. I'll just see if I can call her up on Mimi's phone and tell her to send reinforcements!

Oh, you're really funny, Gracie. You don't even know Mommy's work number, do you?

Never mind, Emily. You're not one to talk...you look like you've been in the backyard planting potatoes, Farmer Overalls! Oh, wait! Do I hear....YES! It's Daddy!

WOW! I LOVE TO FLY! I LOVE TO FLY! I LOVE TO FLY!!!!!

YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!

A morning spent with Mimi calling the shots: Tolerable

A morning playing with Baby Sister, Emily: Pretty fun

Daddy throwing me WAY up high into the air: PRICELESS!!!

One more time, Daddy. Please Daddy, Please Daddy, Please Daddy Pleeeeeeezzzzeeee....

Now THAT'S Entertainment!

Hmmmmph. When is my Daddy going to throw ME up into the air??? Hmm?

Hey, Emily - guess who?! Can you see me now? It's me, Gracie! And stop calling me "Old Bucket Head!"

I've got some real street cred with my Mohawk here........

Hey, Emily, it says here that purple is the most beautiful color in the whole world....

I'm going to write Mommy a note and tell her Mimi needs a latte...or maybe something stronger...........

Emily - let's go for a spin in your walker...I'll push, you just lift your feet off the ground...

Sheesh, Emily - did you have to drink so much milk?? This thing is really hard to push...you weigh a ton!

Knock it off, Gracie...just for saying that I'm going to give you the RASPBERRIES......

Well, the trouble with Raspberries is all that drool has to go SOMEWHERE...Look out below!!!

Look, Emmy...is Mimi asleep over in that chair? She doesn't look so good...

Ok, let's turn this thing around.....

Ooooooophhhhh - quit draggin' your feet, Emily Mae!!!!

Ok, hold on tight - PICK UP THOSE FEET!

Yay! We have LIFT OFF!

Ok, one more time around....

Hahaha Gracie - that was FUN!!

What do you think, Emily? Are you ready for a game of Frisbee? Well, maybe not. Let's see if we can get Mimi to play....

I like my orange Frisbee...but I'd like it even more if it was PURPLE!

Mimi has kind of a wild throw on that Frisbee thing....

Bet you can't catch this one, Mimi!!!

Hahahahaha - TOLD YOU!!!

Oh - and one more thing - Mimi wants to tell you something...........

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Yes, I am back from the adventures of Gracie and Emily's fun in the sun in Long Beach...and on another front, today Alyssa has finished her SIXTH MONTH of pregnancy. So the Mimi Monologues also is reporting that Grandson #1 - a.k.a. "Bob" will be making his appearance in approximately 14 WEEKS - WOW!

Since Rob and Alyssa aren't divulging "Baby Boy Wagner's" real name until the Big Day arrives - something has to be a surprise, after all - we are referring to him as "BoB"and I for one am getting kind of attached to the name...

Columns: We've got COLUMNS!

Yes, time does have a way of flying when you're having fun, and I must be having LOTS of FUN because we are talking "warp speed" here, friends. So my last two columns have landed on South County driveways and I've yet to post them. But I sit here ready to rectify that right now...

I just had to write about two of my pet peeves, the biggest being those dang freeways in L.A. Having just returned from Long Beach to visit Ashley, Jim, Gracie & Emily, I got my fill of them. The freeways, that is, not the kids...although...NO, I am JUST KIDDING! Sheesh!

As if L.A. freeways weren't challenging enough, I even ventured further south to San Diego and beyond and it wasn't to go to Mexico to buy contraband vanilla beans. I had a lovely visit with dear old friends, which will be a seperate posting because it was quite a special day.

To see if my opinion of SoCal freeways agrees with your's, click on "The Column" link above and proceed with CAUTION; you may need your blood pressure medicine!


The column preceding the L.A. freeway situation has to do with my kitchen cupboards, pantry, drawers - they all contain utensils that apparently breed overnight leaving multiple spatulas and the like while eating valuable tools such as my can opener.

I DO love the kitchen in the photo below - don't you? Now I do love MY kitchen, too, but wow! How organized does this one look!! And how the heck do you place a whole bowl of apples on the counter that way? So pristine. When I try that I'm drawing fruit flies from the next three counties.

But if you can relate to my kitchen disorganization dilemma and want to learn my coping skills (or lack thereof), you will find my sad tale of woe by clicking - yep, you got it - 'The Column' link above.

And now, back to your reguarly scheduled blog.............

Flashback Friday: Cell Phone Phrenzy

"Ok," you are undoubtedly asking yourself, "WHAT do Cancan dancers have to do with cell phones..." Please do read on....

When my cell phone konked out a few weeks ago I wasn't happy. Not because I was that wild about my pink flip phone (I wasn't) but cell phone technology has simply gotten WAY out of control!(translation: out of my comprehension zone)

Back in the olden days, 1988 I believe it was, I purchased my first "cell phone," which was also known as a "car phone" in its infancy. Permanently installed on the car's console, this unwieldy device nevertheless was a rather LARGE (translation: expensive) "status symbol" (remember those?) back in the day.

That's right, with a little sproingy antennae perched above the rear window of a vehicle, the antennae may as well have carried a flag announcing, "I have arrived and I have arrived in style!"

Now the thing with me and my "car phone" was that (in my opinion) it was a dire necessity. I had gone back to work. My career was real estate, an industry which practically screamed, "CAR PHONE REQUIRED" because at any moment The Donald might be calling to sew up a new deal on one of your listings. My falling down rat-trap foreclosure listing in a bad part of Gilroy comes to mind but that's another Flashback Friday!

While I was aware I wouldn't hear from The Donald anytime soon, there WERE, however, two other important callers that I was likely to hear from at any moment: Ashley and Alyssa. Ashley, who had recently achieved the "legal" age to babysit, was doing so for 8-year old Alyssa. They were both under strict orders to 'behave' while Mom was working, and you and I both know how THAT was working out. Yes, friends, there are some things that simply ain't gonna happen in this world. But that sure as heck doesn't stop you from putting it in a push-up bra and sending it down the runway anyhow!

Therefore, at any given moment my car phone would ring (scaring me half silly since why the H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS is there a PHONE ringing in my car for the love of God?!). On the other end would be a squeaky little girl voice saying one of the following:

Call #1. "Mom, Ashley is calling me 'Pissa' again!!!" (in the background: "Am not!" "Are SO!" "Fine! Go ahead and tell Mom, little cry baby" "DON'T call me a CRY BABY!" "CRY BABY CRY BABY CRY BABY CRY..." These calls were lovely - especially at $.90 a minute.

Call #2. "Mom...where are you NOW?"

Call #3. "Mom...when are you coming home? Can you stop at the little store and get me a candy bar?"

But the girls grew up in spite of my forays into the business world and "car" phones morphed into "cell" phones and $.90 per minute gave way to "plans" that included all kinds of goodies we'd never dreamed of....cameras, Internet, texting, tweeting - on and on it goes.

Now each new cell phone offered something that the previous one hadn't, but I got kind of attached to them all. Hence I found myself with the collection below...

My newest phone is at the bottom. Now: Ready. Set. FLIP!!!

Yes, my new cell phone has a KEYBOARD...no more bumbling around with 3 keystrokes for an "L" or - yikes - 4 keystrokes for an S! Do you know how many words have an "S?" Sheesh! (And there you have a prime example - 2 "S's" - so I am in cell phone heaven here with an actual keyboard. Or close to it. Because I still haven't figured out how to use the blasted thing. I have yet to take a picture. I have SO much to learn and so little time to learn it in and why-why-why do those owners manuals have to be SO GOSH-DARNED BIG!???

But one thing is not so big and that is my new phone...seen above with its friend the Big-Honker-Sprint-Cell-Phone, which (I think) was my first phone that broke the umbilical cord away from the console of my car. And yes! I did finally get rid of all those cell phones...donated them to the women's shelter where, apparently, they are happy to have them!



So I "heart" these little guys - they tuck into your pocket or a corner of your purse and you'd never know they were there until....and OK - do you really think it's appropriate for a woman my age to have a ring tone that plays (loudly) "Orpheus in the Underworld" - better known as the "Cancan!" (five-six-seven-eight & KICK & KICK & KICK & Get those legs UP, Ladies....) all the way through the grocery store to the creamed peas and on to detergent and dang - HOW DO I SHUT THIS THING OFF!! WHERE IS THE ANSWER KEY?? I CAN'T STOP THE CANCAAAAANNNNNN...where ARE those bagels.........